Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi...

Patience is a virtue. Sabr ka phal meetha hota hai...ok boss.hole hole movie boring ho jati hai. You are bound to get impatient.
The movie begins with a bang. Unconventional shaadi pehle conflict baad mein type ke movies is not what you expect from a Yash Raj banner. But Adi does justice to the beginning and the ending of the movie and the Indian audience totally buys the concept of all's well that ends well.
The story is about how destiny helps bring two unmatched people together against the backdrop of a dance competition. Mr. seedha saadha Suri does a good job of bholeram to win over our damsel Anushka better known as Taani Madam. What I could not understand was how in the world could Suri transform himself into a completely annoying sadak chaap flirtatious romeo with cheap one liners at the tip of his tongue whenever he wanted to. For most part of the movie I was convinced he suffered from multiple personality disorder. Vinay Pathak did a swell job as Suri's chaddi buddy. Sharukh's transformation brought a riot of colours on the silver screen...courtesy insanely colour coordinated clothes which would put any bad dresser to shame. The debutant damsel was a surprise package with the mast punjabi tadka looks and all the right moves. It is a nice Christmas movie when you want to believe that love is blind and magic will surround you and you know that "the happily ever after" moment is just about the corner :)
Watch as a believer!
Merry Christmas folks!!!

007

A film review is what you must be expecting but I am not writing one. Firstly, I have nothing to compare Quantum of Solace to because as bizarre as it may sound, this was the first Bond movie I didn't watch in bits and parts and secondly, I was busy keeping track of who's who with all the names and places(yeah it was like around the globe in 106 minutes).

Even with all the action and breath taking sequences, what I really couldn't get over was the fabulously carved and structured body the 40 year old possessed. Mr. Craig looked better than all actresses combined. Its a pity that in all Bond movies the 007 guy you see on screen giving a rough time to the bad guys is a stuntman or a body double(About 70% of the movie). So the only time you get to watch the "real" hero "perform" is while he is with the Bond Girl. Such is life...

Though if I would attempt to sum up the movie in a line I would say its an action packed film but the graph is erratic with low points as deep as an abyss and peaks that could make you gasp for oxygen!Nevertheless, WATCH.

A Step Closer

The crescendo doesn't seem to have a peak
You falter, you grope
You sort out the clutter
To unleash the single ray of hope.


Still searching for hidden messages?
Don't.
Reading between the lines?
Don't.
Its not a game of hide and seek
Are you waiting for the quantum leap?
Your prayers wont speed up things
Paradise is actually within your reach.

Complexities seem mundane

And simplicity bedazzles you.
When calculations seem to go astray
Laws of nature lead the way.

Don't open the presents before its time,

Savour the sweet mysteries of life

Keep walking knowing that you are always
A step closer. . .

I want to be "KIDNAPPED"!!!

The feeling is indescribable...the feeling of sitting in a cinema hall, having spent a handful of money on a crappy movie. And you have no one to blame but yourself for the absolute mental and physical torture that you bring upon yourself. Its amazing how you can bring yourself to buy the tickets for a movie you know sucks(pardon the language). And why exactly would one do that? Ask yourself. I can bet my last dollar (or rupee) that you surely must have had that urge to have "willingly" spent on a pathetically bad movie.

My Lord, the name is "KIDNAP". Luxuriously seated in one of the back seats I had the privilege to see how an almost empty cinema hall looks. My mother (who else would have accompanied me to watch a crappy movie), looked pretty upbeat about the fact that she was about to witness a bad movie. No, I am not condemning the movie even before I have told you anything about it. I am merely astounded by the fact that I didn't really walk out of the hall. My mother chimed in "I think we should have bought the tickets for Drona". Drona was running in Hall no.1 & 2 if you really want to know. FYI Drona is another movie that would definitely give Kidnap a tough competition. And I pondered, given the option of watching a magical tale about a superhero who looked sleep deprived and had a really bad dressing sense(given that superheroes in any case couldn't figure out that inner wear should be taken in its literal sense) and a thriller, I had made the right choice. Or had I?

Myth 1: Superheroes are not the only ones who have a bad dressing sense. Minisha Lamba and Imran Khan were there to accompany them. The director guy is really strange. He made sure that Minisha and her mom(who buy the way could actually pass for Minisha's kid sister) had their assets on display for every freaking(I really had to abstain myself from not deliberately misspelling this word) shot. He also made sure that Imran gets to show off his cleavage. At one point, I was pretty darn sure that he was a wearing a maroon ladies cardigan. The director really has a thing for "cleavage-shots". But at least he is not a sexist. Both the sexes were at their revealing best!

By no means am I spilling the beans when I say that Minisha got kidnapped in the first few minutes, that's downright obvious anyway. She was kidnapped under water. (Watch the movie to know how strategically thought of the kidnapping was...the script writer must be crazy). Talking about being crazy...the continuity guy does not lag far behind. Minisha was in a white bikini when she was kidnapped and when she woke up on a couch she was wearing a denim skirt and a white top( Ouch that must hurt Minisha..your top is having a tough time keeping things in place). And the ocean wasn't strong enough to smudge her lip gloss either. Maybe its Maybelline...

Thriller ho toh kya hua...boss item number toh banta hai. Akhir heroine ne bohot mehnat ki hai body bana ne ke liye. Chalo ji, lets endure the drama. Lyrics toh awesome hai...What with a song like "Mausam ye awesome bada".

One of my friends had commented post Jane Tu Ya Jane Na-"Yaar Imran is totally expressionless". I told him bechare ka debut hai...But man...seriously. After Kidnap I am sorry if I am being too hard on you Imraan but dude either you are a complete misfit for the role or you seriously should hone your acting skills before you think of appearing on screen the next time!

Although, I was pretty surprised by Imran's Parkour act. There were some really nice jumping off the building scenes. I wonder if he really learnt to become a traceur or was it a body double. The bottom line is, the Parkour sequences were good. Akshay Kumar...bhai sahab,better watch out!

Intermission: I buy a cup of elaichi tea for Mumma and a cup of cappuccino for myself to keep us from falling asleep in the second half. Both were outrageously priced. The beverages,that is.

The story line was pretty predictable. You dont have to be a genius to know whats going to happen next. Brain wave ki bhi zarurat nai hai...infact brain ki hi zarurat nahi hai. Sanjay Dutt looks like a retired judge with a visible paunch. On his trail he coincidentally always gets the best of cars and bikes to continue his chase. Too many co incidents...But last mein Sanjay dada ko thoda bhagna padta hai. No offence but there was a constant visual of a bull dog running in my head..flab on his cheek flapping. Imran had devised a game of treasure hunt for Sanjay to find his daughter Minisha. The clues were hopelessly crafted.
I was the last one to break the silence...the minuscule population was already happily chattering in the hall. This was the question I put forth-"Mumma if its an adult, do we still use the term 'kidnap'?". Your wait for the lamest PJ is about to get over."No dear,its adultnap".
"Oh, I thought abduct is the correct terminology..."
If the movie is that bad...it eventually brings out the worst in you. I don't blame the either of us.

The movie eventually dragged to "the end".
Phew.
Some test of patience that was.

Its amazing why such lame movies still thrive in Bollywood. Its because of people like you and me who believe in investing in trash. In spite of knowing that there will be no desired return.

SEPTIC

What resides within you can sometimes give you a good scare. Its not a particularly nice feeling to be aware of the fact that you do have an ulterior motive. You are guided by a force that relentlessly drives you to act in a way in spite of yourself. You've been bothered enough with whats right and whats not...whats ethical and whats unethical."Thank you very much but I've already been introduced to the innumerable lines not meant to be crossed".

Throughout you've been forced to behave in a particular or "acceptable" way.
1. Family accepts you( no need to rejoice when they always seem to forgive you...they have forgiven themselves for passing over their genes) but you have to pay a price. And a heavy one. Always do what they tell you to. They say its a "fair" deal.
2. Peers bring out multiple personalities in you. You pretend to like the kind of music they enjoy. You sometimes wonder if there are invisible hands grabbing your neck from behind and forcing you to perform a ridiculous act of "headbanging". Completely out of sync, tempo,tune, whatever. You become the "every second guy" who dons a Che Guevara t-shirt. Its nothing but a feeling of quasi esprit de corps.
3. Your girl cant help but accede to the assumption that you are Java man. Her sole duty is to transform you to Homo erectus.
4. And its a lifelong endeavour for your better half to make the bitter butter(you) better.

"Give me a break."

The tapestry of pure selfish thoughts that are sometimes magically woven in some corner of your head are nothing but saviours of your sanity. Why should you be ashamed to pray for yourselves? Arent there reasons enough to justify the thoughts of pride, envy, wrath, greed or lust that intermittently keep cropping? Why do you try to dodge, duck, flee, run, do everything but face them? Or more importantly accept them, not as cardinal sins but certain facets that make you, you.

After all, you deserve a break.

I Want My Coffee To Be...

That will keep me going. Maybe a hug has the same effect as coffee...at least on me. The pain is not real though...a metaphysical form of pain perhaps. But if I had to describe it, I would say its almost like you hurt yourself when you were completely wasted and the pain is slowly and steadily relayed to your brain, the next day. But what truly bothers you is that you cant fathom how you bruised yourself and my finite mind cannot comprehend the reason for this restlessness. Oh, didn't I mention the definition of pain keeps changing. You don't have to look up the dictionary. It will always be the same there. Comfortably numb?
"Yes I would like it sweet and strong, thank you". They should have hugs on the menu card.That would be priceless.

Prove Me Wrong

I am convinced that a story can never be good unless there are conflicts. I am convinced that there is no such thing as a "selfless deed". I am convinced that it is not a good idea to avoid the pursuit of happiness. I am convinced that the cup of satisfaction will always be half empty. I am convinced that black and white come in many shades. I am convinced that religion is a problem and not the solution.I am convinced that the glossier the magazines are, the worse they'll make you feel. I am convinced that you can never watch a movie a hundred times. I am convinced that the road less travelled has magical potholes. I am convinced that whatever happens, happens for a reason and the reason is you. I am not convinced if somebody can prove me wrong...

My Perishable Love

It wasn't a joke...maybe an insightful comment. Certainly it was anything but funny. But it cracked me up. The laughter continued...reverberated...until the look on his face said that there was something wrong with me. I stopped instantly. Maybe I should have decelerated and let my laughter die its own natural death. Because it did seem abrupt.
Why wouldn't the chain of thoughts stop?Maybe something was wrong with me...since when had I started judging myself...let alone give a chance to the person sitting right across me to pass his verdict...pass his verdict?!It wasn't judgment day, too many thoughts...rushing...chasing...overlapping...wait...STOP!
It was just a nice day...with a nice guy...a pleasant conversation...
The conversation might not interest you but to satiate your curiosity I might summarise it as one which included a lot of monologues,dialogues,trialogues(the waiter did interrupt more than once), funnylogues, "i-am-impressed"logues...
The sweet thoughts lingered all day and the next and the next..I did complete my assignment though.. a half or rather a quarter- hearted attempt to jot down lines that did manage to make some sense when read from left to right...yeah, i would pass it as an assignment, at least with the name and roll number at the top. The pages would look so much more appealing with his picture in the background.

Thoughts are transient in nature...that picture of his for instance...over the next few days...my thoughts forced the neurons in my head to do a little bit of artistic photoshop-job on his picture...hey that's a neat new effect!! how come i never saw that on the toolbar?Let me try this...ah!good job,now that certainly accentuates his jawline...is it the tint or is he just fabulous?! A little bit of this and a little bit of that...

"Hey..let me tell you about this new guy I'm dating..."

Scratching my head...

Two instances when you feel like scratching your head:
1. When your head is infected with lice
2. When you are groping in the darkness that befalls the insides of your head to come up with ideas that matter

Its been a while since I've interacted with kids. At least there hasnt been a very close proximity or physical intimacy. My head isnt infected with lice.

So I am scratching my head to come up with ideas that vaguely/remotely/marginally impress my professors at college(suck up??...who me??!!). And we are marked and our entire mental capabilities are evaluated and judged on the basis of these "ideas". Namrata Patnaik is a mass communication student. And interestingly whatever I(and the rest of my batchmates) do...comes down to the basic prerequisite to make it big(or small)- IDEAS!

Now does scratching actually help??

Two instances when you ACTUALLY scratch your head when you dont have lice-
1. When you are thinking and trying to hold on to the fleeing thoughts that might later work out to be "workable" ideas
2.When there are no fleeing thoughts and you are exasperated at your sheer lack of creativity(at a certain point of time...a point of time when you have a deadline to come up with ideas)

There are no fleeing thoughts in my head right now. Therefore, I am scratching my head so that I start scratching my head for an entire different reason-to hold on to fleeing thoughts and come up with workable ideas.

Friends, the world needs better ideas...scratch on...